New Beginnings

Dear Friends,

As most know (but was not said on this blog), on Sept 5, 2008, Karin was diagnosed with cancer throughout her body. It was described as advanced, aggressive, and incurable.
Kien had been home from Vietnam for less than 3 months.
Just 2 days later, we finally received approval to adopt a little girl from Vietnam – a process we had been working on for nearly 3 years, starting initially with China. The timing was heartbreaking. Within days we were doing radiation and major surgery that required many weeks of painful recovery.

The shock and heartache of those days that stretched into months is still beyond what I can bare, even in memory.
Karin was in a lot of pain as tumors put pressure on her spine, despite strong pain medications. She never gave up - she always had hope.

It was a difficult decision to bring our little girl home, knowing the future of our family was cloudy. But we did it on faith and hope, and a strong desire to not leave her to grow up in an orphanage. We rescued her.

Karin was in very bad shape at the point that Aria came home. And 24 hours later Karin was admitted to the hospital because she was in so much pain, and spent 3 days there switching her pain medication.. she was doing well for the first 2 days she was back home, and had some time to enjoy Aria. But then the pain continued to increase and she could hardly leave the bedroom. She smiled at Thanksgiving dinner, and though she tried to hide it, we could see her pain every time she moved.

On Dec 10, Karin suddenly became very weak and pale.. she was taken to the ER, where they found she had pneumonia and dangerously low blood pressure. Within hours she was struggling so badly to breath that she was sedated to unconsciousness and put on a ventilator.. and within about 48 hours it was clear that she would not recover. And around midnight on Dec 15 her earthly journey ended, and she went to be with God in eternal joy.

And so I, Steve, was left with Kevin (almost 5) and two newly adopted toddlers. Every young child needs a lot of love and attention. Even moreso for the first couple years after the trauma of adoption. Or the trauma of loosing a mother..

I have come to realize that their need for love and attention is more than one person can provide. I might meet their physical needs, but each of them has tremendous emotional needs, and we have not had time to develop the true bonds of family. Rather than supporting each other, the kids have been literally attacking and hurting each other. They each need full time 1-on-1 attention at this time in their lives. This would have been difficult even with 2 parents. All three children deserve better.. Kien and Aria each deserve the love of two whole parents, which is the life Karin and I wanted for them. And Kevin, hurting and struggling, needs the full attention of his dad. Much of his frustration and anger has been directed toward Kien and Aria and it has been a challenge to protect them. Besides the kids needs, I also need time and space and energy to recover - to rebuild the parts of my life and heart that died with Karin.

And so it became clear that all 4 of us would be better off if Kien and Aria were adopted into new families. They are not biological siblings, and it became clear to all of us raising them that they would be better separated. This has been a difficult decision to share. Word has gradually been told to a few. Some will never understand this choice. In the end, I will answer to God and God alone, and only He can fully know my heart even now. I have made the choice that I believe is best for all 3 of my children...

Kien is going to be adopted by Karin's brother Greg and his wife Cathi. They have had a special bond with Kien from the start and are very excited.

Aria will be adopted by friends of friends that live near Dallas. A wonderful couple that loves Jesus and have been longing for their first child for several years, and were already in the long waiting stage for international adoption. Karin and I knew that pain, and are happy to be a part of bringing the joys of a child into their life. They are so very excited and feel so blessed.

When tragedy is surrendered to God, others can be blessed through it... Karin encouraged so many people as we suffered through long years longing for children, struggling through difficult adoption processes in Russian, in China (for a time), and then in Vietnam. And Karin inspired so many to pursue faith and trust and courage by her writings during this final battle of her life. And now we pass on the blessing of these children that we labored long and hard to rescue - to give them a family and give families the joy of children.

Thank you to the family and friends that have given support, comfort, listening ears, and much practical help during these last 5 difficult months. Just being with you has given me comfort and energy. I am only now realizing the shock and denial I have been in these last 6 weeks. I am still in shock. Life has not ‘settled down’ yet, and when it does, there will be much still to deal with in my heart. I must reckon with life and dreams that have died, and build a new life with new dreams. The insight of a psychologist is helping, and I wish I would have sought such help through earlier challenges in life.

This message has taken weeks to write. Every time I type my eyes fill with tears and I have to stop. My heart is aching from all that has occurred, from life and dreams shattered, but I remain certain that this is the right choice.

- Aria is with her new family today. We spent many hours together today and I know Aria will be cherished and blessed by her new mom and dad. Her journey and theirs is just beginning – full of joy and hope as it should be.
- Kien will be going to Texas on Wednesday, with Nina, Kevin, and I, where Kien will be adopted by Karin’s brother and sister-in-law, who I dearly love. Kien will have a very big sister and brother (teen and near-teen), and a young sibling expected in about 7 months!
- Kevin and I cried together for the first time tonight.

New beginnings.

God is with us and will lead us through this. Thank you for your love and friendship.

Steve